guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
