I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
