ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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