I want to make a zoo with you.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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