I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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