Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He is an equal opportunity slut.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
