Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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