is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
