Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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