Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
