So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
