im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
