Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
