I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
