Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
