my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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