Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
