I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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