$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
