So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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