So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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