He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
