He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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