Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
