wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
