Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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