I can tuck mytits in my pants
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
