Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
