i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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