I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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