I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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