Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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