Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Too much gin, very little bucket
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
