You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
