Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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