Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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