Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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