Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
