apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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