Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
