On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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