Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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