it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
