So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
