All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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