dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
