oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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