So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Come share oat with me in your robe
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
