you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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