Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
